


THE OCHINCHIN IS FUCKING STUPID

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Boku No Pico, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-13
Updated: 2012-06-04
Packaged: 2017-11-03 13:19:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/381767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Homestuck watches <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boku_no_pico">Boku no Pico</a>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>  <i>Extremely image heavy.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Boku no Pico

  


CURRENT turntechGodhead [CTG] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board cool kids club.

CTG: alright listen up  
CTG: this is going to be a long three years on our respective shitrafts  
CTG: so lets  
CTG: waste  
CTG: some  
CTG: fucking  
CTG: time  
CTG: i am gonna stream something fucking incredible and youre all going to watch  
CTG: and cool it on the time bullshit lets keep this linear for once ok  
FUTURE terminallyCapricious [FTC] 37 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FTC: THIS WAS A MOTHERFUCKING MISTAKE.  
CTG: sweet someone for me to make an example of  
CTG banned FTC from responding to memo.  
CTG: past and future assholes get out  
CURRENT tentacleTherapist [CTT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.   
CTT: Here I go again, blindly clicking every link that's sent to me.  
CTT: What have I gotten myself into this time?  
CTG: hey lalonde  
CTG: wanna watch a cartoon about a little kid getting raped  
CTT: Sure.  
CURRENT gallowsCalibrator [CGC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CGC: H3Y COOLK1D >:]  
CURRENT grimAuxiliatrix [CGA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CGA: Hello  
CTG: sup ladies  
CTT: Hi.  
CGC: WH4T 4R3 W3 DO1NG?  
CTG: im about to show you the fucking pinnacle of human animated cinema  
CTG: i hope youre ready for this tz  
CGC: 1 W4S H4TCH3D R34DY D4V3  
CTG: you better be  
CGC: OH  
CGC: D1D YOU G1V3 TH3 L1NKS TO K4RK4T??  
CTG: no  
CTG: you do it if you want  
CTG: hell just start screaming and shoveling shit out of his baby ass diaper if it comes from me  
CGA: I Do Not Think That Will Be An Issue  
CGA: Karkat Does Not Wear A Diaper  
CTG: how would you know  
CGA: I Admit I Dont Have First Hand Knowledge  
CGA: But I Am Fairly Confident  
CGA: I Guess  
CTT: The diaper was metaphorical, Kanaya.  
CGA: Oh  
CGA: I See  
CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.   
CCG: I DON'T FUCKING WEAR A DIAPER.  
CCG: FUCK YOU, STRIDER.  
CTG: then whats that noxious stonk i smell every time i walk by  
CTG: god damn i can smell it from across the meteor  
CCG: YOU EVER THINK THAT MAYBE IT'S YOU?  
CCG: MAYBE YOU'RE THE ONE SLATHERED IN SUCH A THICK COAT OF FESTERING WASTE THAT YOU ARE UTTERLY UNABLE TO PERCEIVE THE OUTSIDE WORLD BEYOND YOUR OWN FECULENT COCOON OF SELF-AGGRANDIZEMENT.  
CTG: maybe  
CGC: H3R3 W3 GO 4G41N  
CTG: but when i turn into a big shit butterfly youll still be there in your big poopy nappy with nobody to change it  
CTT: Shit moth.  
CTG: what  
CTT: Moths spin cocoons, not butterflies.  
CTT: The pupa of a butterfly is called a chrysalis.   
CTG: lalonde why you gotta go and ruin everything with your  
CTG: books  
CTG: and your  
CTG: learning  
CTT: What was the point of all those years spent trawling Wikipedia for useless trivia if not to employ it in ostentatious displays of pedantry?  
CTG: im pretty sure the point of useless things is to not use them  
CTT: I'll take your word for it.  
CCG: THIS IS ALREADY FUCKING TERRIBLE.  
CGC: SHUSH K4RK4T >:]  
CGC: TH1S W1LL B3 LOTS OF FUN!   
CCG: IF YOU SAY SO.  
CCG: UGH. DID YOU INVITE GAMZEE?  
CTG: no on account of  
CTG: fucking crazy  
CTG: wasnt particularly in the mood for more hilariously sexual allusions to my gruesome death and subsequent consumption  
CTG: gotta take that shit in moderation you know how it is  
CCG: HE'S NOT LIKE THAT ANYMORE.  
CCG: IT'LL BE FINE.  
CTG: yeah ok whatever  
CGA: Do We Have To Include Him  
CCG: YES, WE HAVE TO INCLUDE HIM.  
CCG: WE'RE GOING TO BE STUCK ON THIS METEOR TOGETHER FOR THE NEXT THREE YEARS, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.  
CCG: SO WE'RE ALL GOING TO HAVE TO GET ALONG.  
CGA: Ugh  
CTG: wow drama  
CGC: >:?  
CURRENT terminallyCapricious [CTC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CTC: hello my motherfuckers. :o)  
CCG: HEY GAMZEE.  
CGA: Hello  
CGC: >:? >:?  
CTC: WHAT'S ALL UP AND GOING DOWN WITH THIS THING?  
CCG: WHAT'S GOING DOWN IS THAT YOU'RE GOING TO BEHAVE YOURSELF AND GENERALLY NOT EMBARRASS ME BY BEING A PSYCHOTIC PIECE OF SHIT, OKAY?  
CTC: honk. :o(  
CTG: awkward  
CGA: Just Tell Me When We Start  
CTT: I'll pester you, Kanaya.  
CTG: alright im getting the failboat crew in here  
CURRENT ectoBiologist [CEB] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CEB: hey dave, rose, karkat!  
CTG: hey egbert  
CTT: Hello.  
CCG: HEY.  
CGC: 1 SM3LL BLU3B3RR13S >:]  
CEB: and hi terezi! and everybody else i guess.  
CTC: HONK. :oD  
CEB: eheheh. so what are we doing?  
CTG: remember that thing ive been trying to get you to watch since forever  
CEB: oh god.  
CEB: no, dave.  
CTG: no its happening  
CEB: dave no.  
CTG: you cant get out of it this time  
CEB: yes i can, dave.  
CEB: i can just close this window right now.  
CEB: just like every other time.  
CTG: shut up egbert were watching this  
CEB: no!  
CTG: yes  
CEB: no.  
CTG: yes  
CEB: no.  
CTG: yes  
CEB: ugh, fine.  
CEB: but only so you'll finally stop asking me!  
CTT: Now I'm almost excited to see this.  
CTG: you would be  
CURRENT gardenGnostic [CGG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CGG: hi everybody!!  
CTG: sup harley  
CEB: hey!  
CCG: UGH, TOO MANY HUMANS.  
CGG: oh be quiet karkat :P hehehe  
CGG: oh! did you send the stuff to davesprite??  
CTG: shit i forgot about that guy  
CGG: daaaave  
CCG: OH, PLEASE NO.  
CCG: ONE OF HIM IS TORMENT ENOUGH.  
CURRENT turntechGodhead [CTG2] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CTG2: hey  
CGG: hiiii :D  
CTG: sup me  
CTG2: dont mind me just being a big shitty bird nobody remembers  
CTG2: wow i even get a 2 next to my name  
CTG2: identity crisis  
CGC: 1 R3M3MB3R YOU M1ST3R OR4NG3 CR34MS1CL3S >:]  
CTG2: thanks terezi  
CTG2: im shedding a big fat tear over here  
CGC: 1 W1SH 1 COULD T4ST3 YOUR T34RS TOO OTH3R D4V3  
CGC: 1 B3T TH3Y T4ST3 L1K3 D3L1C1OUS L1QU1D C4NDY TR34TS  
CGC: H3H3H3  
CTG2: well that isnt weird at all  
CTG: nope  
CCG: UUUGHHHH  
CTG: uh oh better watch out  
CTG: pricess sunshines getting his panties in a bunch again  
CTG: see he has this thing where any time terezi talks to me he starts, i dunno, hallucinating that shes sucking me off  
CGC: WH4T >8O  
CTG: thats my working hypothesis anyway  
CTG: i cant think of any other explanation for the degree of rectal ragnarok this guy is packing  
CTG2: wow that must be a crippling disability for him to live with each day  
CTG2: my sympathies dude  
CTT: I wish I'd thought to alchemize popcorn.  
CCG: WHY THE FUCK AM I EVEN HERE?  
CCG: CONSIDERING I HATE LITERALLY EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU, I HAVE NO IDEA WHY I EXPECTED ANY EVENT YOU'VE ORCHESTRATED TO BE ANYTHING LESS THAN AN EXERCISE IN THE MOST EXCRUCIATING, TORMENTUOUS AGONY THE CORTICES OF MY THINKPAN ARE EVEN PHYSIOLOGICALLY CAPABLE OF PROCESSING.  
CEB: wow, uh.  
CCG: IT TAKES EVERY LAST FIBER OF SELF-RESTRAINT IN MY BEING TO RESIST JUST HOLDING YOU DOWN AND PUNCHING YOU IN THE BULGE OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN UNTIL YOU HEMORRHAGE AND DIE.  
CGC: K4RK4T >:\  
CTG2: hahahaha look at this guy he thinks hes tough  
CTG2: its adorable  
CTG: hahaha i know right  
CTG: hes like this scrappy little toy poodle except smaller and less intimidating  
CGC: D4V3S >:/  
CCG: FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR SHITTY ORANGE FLAPPING DINGLEBERRY OF A CLONE.  
CGG: HEY!!!  
CTG: right back at you buddy  
CGG: knock it off!!  
CGG: you guys are acting like a couple of big babies, this is ridiculous  
CTG: sorry mom  
CCG: CAN WE JUST GET THIS GRUESOME TRAINWRECK OVER AND DONE WITH BEFORE I HAVE TO LOBOTOMIZE MYSELF?  
FTC: IS ANYONE GONNA TELL A MOTHERFUCKER WHAT'S GOING ON?  
CCG: NO, SHUT UP THE FUCK UP.  
FTC: oh. :o(  
CTG: look what you did man  
CTG: you went and made the murderous clown sad  
CCG: I SWEAR TO GOD  
CGC: S1GH  
CTT: While this is all extremely entertaining, perhaps it's best if we move on?  
CEB: that's... probably a good idea.  
CTG: ok whatever  
CTG: i got everybody right  
CGG: oh!!  
CGG: we should invite all of the sprites  
CGG: theyre people too you know!  
CTG2: aww shucks harley  
CGG: hehehe :D  
CTG: sure why not  
CTG: bring in the fuckin nakkadiles the more the merrier  
CEB: uh, maybe not ALL the sprites!  
CURRENT Nannasprite [CNS] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CNS: Hoo hoo hoo!  
CEB: oh my god.  
CGG: hi nannasprite!!!  
CGC: H1 >:]  
CNS: Hello, kids!  
CNS: What are we watching? :B  
CTT: I don't think you'd be familiar with it.  
CEB: i  
CTG2: hahahaha  
CEB: er.  
CNS: Is something the matter?  
CEB: um, nanna?  
CEB: gosh, i don't want to be rude!  
CEB: but i think i would maybe be a little uncomfortable watching... uh.  
CEB: this kind of thing.  
CEB: with my grandmother.  
CNS: I understand, dear.  
CNS: I wouldn't want to come between you and your friends!  
CEB: thanks, nanna!  
CEB: maybe we can watch something that isn't... this.  
CEB: later.  
CNS: That sounds wonderful!  
CNS: I have plenty to baking to catch up on, anyhoo.  
CNS: I understand I've been gone for thirteen years now; I'd best get to work if I want to make up for all that lost time!  
CEB: oh boy...  
CNS: Hoo hoo hoo, toodleoo! :B  
CNS ceased responding to memo.  
CTG: hahahaha did that just happen  
CCG: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?  
CTG2: im fucking dying  
CTG2: oh man  
CEB: yeah, i can see that. asshole.  
CGC: YOUR N4NN4 1S D3L1C1OUS  
CEB: ...  
CEB: i'm not even going to reply to that?  
CGG: ... why cant nannasprite watch?? :/  
CGG: WHAT exactly are we watching?  
CTG2: oh youll see harley  
CTG: you will fucking see  
CGG: ...  
CGG: i  
CGG: dont think i like the sound of that >_>  
CGC: 1 DO >:]  
CURRENT Jaspersprite [CJS] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CJS: Oh hello meow. :3  
CTT: Well.  
CTT: I, for one, have no problem with watching this with my undead talking cat.  
CTT: No need for further delays from my camp. Shall we get this show on the road?  
CTG: yeah sure  
CTG: is everybody here  
CTG2: lets fuckin go  
CTT: Let me tell Kanaya.  
CEB: sigh.  
CCG: UNFORTUNATELY.  
CJS: Yes im a cat meow.  
CTC: HONK.  
CGC: 1M 3XC1T3D H3H3H3  
CGG: yup... >_>  
CGA: I Am Here Now  
CTG: alright  
CTG: lets do this

  
CEB: eegghhh.  
CTG2: egbert its been playing two seconds

  
CCG: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? I CAN'T UNDERSTAND A WORD OF THIS UNBELIEVABLY SHITTY SONG.  
CTG: thats what the subtitles are for bro try reading  
CEB: it's japanese, karkat.  
CEB: it's one of our other human languages. we have a lot of those!

  
CCG: WHY ARE THE EYES SO BIG???  
CTG: hes got a dire case of the animes  
CCG: WHAT.  
CTG2: dont question it

  
CTC: honk. ;o)  
CCG: GAMZEE  
CCG: JUST DON'T.  
CTG2: wow let the man honk  
CTG2: what are you some kind of honk fascist

  
CEB: that sure is a butt.  
CTT: Are the feet supposed to be butts as well?  
CTG: no im pretty sure theyre just supposed to be terribly drawn

  
CGG: umm...

  
CEB: oh god.  
CTT: The plot thickens.  
CEB: oh god.  
CCG: WHAT THE FUCK?  
CGG: omg dave is this porn???  
CTG2: just keep watching  
CGG: omg...  
CGA: Hm  
CGA: This Is Educational  
CGC: D4V3 WH4T 1S TH1S C4RTOON  
CGC: 1T SM3LLS 4WFULLY F1SHY  
CTG: trust me fishy is the absolute last thing this thing is

  
CCG: WOW, HUMAN ANIMATORS MUST BE REALLY SKILLED.

  
CJS: Hm.  
CJS: I think it may be because i am a cat but i dont quite know whats going on meow.  
CTT: Jaspers, we're currently watching a pubescent boy exposing his swollen nipples as he removes his stockings.

  
CCG: WAIT, THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A BOY?  
CTG: dude did you miss the dick  
CGA: Oh  
CGA: I Had Simply Assumed That The Bulge Was A Feature Of Female Human Anatomy  
CCG: HUMANS ARE FUCKING WEIRD.  
CTT: This cartoon is quite stylized.  
CTT: Typical human girls and boys are much closer to what you're familiar with, from what I've gathered.  
CGA: I See

  
CGA: So Human Females Do Not Actually Have Bulges  
CTT: Not usually, no.  
CGA: Usually  
CTT: Yes.  
CGA: Rose Do You Have A Bulge  
CTT: No, Kanaya, I do not have a bulge.

  
CCG: WHAT THE FUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKKKK  
CEB: aaaaauuuuugggggghhhhhhgfshgfsr i can't believe i'm watching this!  
CTC: huh.  
CGG: omfg  
CGC: TH31R BULG3S T4ST3 FUZZY  
CTG: hahahahahahaha  
CGA: Oh My  
CGG: DAVE WHAT THE FUCK???  
CTG2: whats the matter harley  
CTG2: its just a couple of guys jacking each other off no big deal  
CGG: ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwewewew  
CGG ceased responding to memo.  
CTG: hahaha oh man  
CTG: im surprised she lasted that long honestly

  
CTT: It's a good thing that disclaimer is there, or else this might have been weird.

  
CEB: oh no.  
CEB: no.  
CEB: no no no no no  
CTG: its barely started egbert keep your pants on  
CCG: OKAY, SO REALLY, WHAT IS WITH THE PIXELS?  
CTT: The Japanese have to censor their pornography by law.  
CTT: Or had to, I suppose.  
CCG: DOESN'T THAT SORT OF DEFEAT THE POINT.  
CTT: Don't look at me.

  
CCG: WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING?  
CGA: I Am Confused  
CGA: Is The Point Of Recreational Intercourse Not To Receive Pleasure  
CGA: This Appears To Be Unpleasant  
CTG: the point of sex is also to not fuck little boys but they screwed that one up too so who knows

  
CGC: TH3S3 SOUNDS 4R3 R34LLY GROSS  
CGC: TH1S C4RTOON 1S 4 S3NSORY 4SS4ULT  
CGC: 1 L1K3 1T >:]  
CTG: never change tz

  
CCG: DON'T TELL ME HE'S GOING TO

  
CTG: yup  
CCG: AUGHH

  
  
CCG: IF THEY'RE GOING TO PUT A NOTE AT THE TOP WHY DON'T THEY JUST FUCKING TRANSLATE IT?  
CTG: listen  
CTG: that word carries deep cultural connotations that would be lost across linguistic boundaries  
CTG: the ochinchin is fucking important  
CCG: THE OCHINCHIN IS FUCKING STUPID.

  
CTC: THIS IS MAKING ME A LITTLE MOTHERFUCKING.  
CTC: uncomfortable.

  
CTG: buckle up kids  
CTG: were in for a wild ride

  
  
CTC: WHERE DID THE PORN GO?  
CGA: I Dont Think I Want To Know

  
  
CTG: i wonder  
CTG: should i creep on some adult women or keep searching for a naked pubescent boy

  
  
CTG2: hahaha was that even a fucking question  
CTT: You're spoiling it.  
CTG: whoops sorry i wouldnt want to ruin the preeminently crafted plot of boku no pico for you  
CTT: Thank you.

  
  
CCG: WHY IS HE JUST STANDING NAKED ON A RANDOM ROCK?  
CEB: ugh.  
CEB: this is so so creepy.

  
  
  
  
  
CTG: help  
CTG: im getting lost in his animes 

  
  
CTT: The mysterious case of the disappearing nymphet.  
CTT: How will our intrepid protagonist overcome this harrowing obstacle and poon a young child?

  
  
  
  
CCG: HE JUST HAPPENS TO WALK INTO THE PLACE THE KID WORKS???  
CGA: That Does Seem A Bit Unlikely But Perhaps It Will Be Explained Later  
CTT: I wouldn't count on it.

  
CGC: 1 B3T  
CGC: >:] >;] >:]

  
CEB: if he's a boy, why is he dressed like that?  
CEB: don't tell me his grandfather...  
CEB: euughh.  
CGA: Perhaps He Simply Enjoys Feminine Fashions  
CTC: i think his little bow is wicked cute. :o)

  
CCG: GAMZEE  
CTC: WHAT'S UP MY MOTHERFUCKER?  
CCG: JUST  
CCG: ... NEVERMIND.  
CTC: honk. :oD

  
  
  
  
CTG: grandpa knows that slice is too choice to keep to himself  
CEB: jesus, dave.

  
CTG: ahahahaha he fucked up

  
CJS: Meow milk.  
CJS: I havent had milk in a long time meow. :3  
CEB: we can alchemize some milk for you if you want, jaspers.

  
CTT: Jaspers, who gave you milk?  
CTT: That isn't good for cats.  
CJS: Oh sometimes mom would forget it makes me sick and give me milk.  
CJS: But thats okay because tastes really good meow. :3

  
CTT: John, please don't give my cat milk.  
CEB: er, yeah, maybe that's for the best.  
CEB: i wouldn't want him to start... pooping everywhere.  
CEB: we get enough of that with davesprite!  
CEB: ehehehehe.  
CTG2: better watch out egbert  
CTG2: who knows what might fall out of the sky

  
CEB: ewww, dave.  
CTG2: hey you started it  
CTG2: im just taking this shit joke to its logical conclusion

  
CTG2: and i mean that in both senses of the word  
CEB: god, shut up.  
CJS: Meow. :3c

  
CTT: What an artful contrivance!

  
CTG: sup kid dont mind the boner

  
  
CCG: WOW, WEIRD???

  
CEB: did he just, like, not notice this guy macking on his neck?  
CGA: I Guess Not  
CGA: That Is Rather Strange

  
  
CGC: MMM 1C3 CR34M >:]  
CTT: I get the feeling he'll be getting more than ice cream.

  
  
CTC: OH.  
CTC: uh.

  
  
CCG: CAN THIS KID DO ANYTHING RIGHT??

  
  
CTT: Of course not. How else could the narrative conspire to get him licking spunk-colored fluids off his fingers?

  
  
  
CEB: oh wow.  
CEB: this is like...  
CEB: wow, really legitimately creepy. :(

  
CTG: hahahaha what the fuck did you expect  
CTG: its fucking shota  
CEB: yeah, but, like

  
CEB: man. i just don't think this is that funny, dave.  
CGA: This Is A Bit Of An Uncomfortable Subject  
CTG2: look at these chumps  
CTG2: what kind of loser cant laugh at a little child molestation

  
CTT: I can see a certain morbid comedy in it all.  
CCG: THIS IS MORE HORRIFYING THAN FUNNY.  
CCG: LIKE  
CCG: IT'S SO TERRIBLE, BUT I CAN'T LOOK AWAY.  
CGC: Y34H S4M3  
CTG: see they get it

  
CGC: BUT TH3 T4ST3S OF TH1S C4RTOON 4R3 4LSO  
CGC: HM  
CGC: 1NT3R3ST1NG >:]  
CTG2: hahahaha

  
  
CCG: MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE HE'S LIKE 5 FUCKING SWEEPS OLD, YOU ODIOUS GRUB DIDDLER???

  
CEB: uugghhhh....  
CJS: Meow i dont know if ill be able to understand whats going on at all. 3:  
CTT: Perhaps it's better if you don't.

  
  
CEB: okay, i'm sorry, i can't watch this.  
CEB: this is too much.  
CTG: oh come on

  
  
CEB: sorry, dave! not my thing.  
CTG: what are you a chicken  
CTG: you sound like a big chicken john  
CTG: cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep  
CTG2: whoa man lay off the cheeps  
CTG2: a little racial sensitivity here  
CEB: dude, that isn't even remotely close to the sound a chicken makes.  
CTG: whatever you say bro

  
CEB: aaaaaand i think this is my cue to get the hell out of dodge.  
CEB: jaspers, do you wanna go find where jade went off to and play a game or something?

  
CJS: Oh sure john that sounds like fun meow. :3  
CEB: alright, let's go.  
CEB ceased responding to memo.  
CJS ceased responding to memo.  
CTG: a chicken AND a pussy  
CTG: goddammit  
CTT: Slow _and_ unfunny.  
CTT: Impressive.  
CTG: oh shut up that was great  
CCG: NO, IT REALLY WASN'T.

  
  
CTG2: oh shit its a penis

  
  
  
  
CGC: WHO4 >8O  
CCG: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOUR JUNK?  
CCG: GOD THAT'S TERRIFYING.  
CGA: I Think Its Fascinating

  
CTG2: pedos havin second thoughts  
CTT: I am deeply sympathetic.  
CTT: This story just exudes such pathos.

  
  
CTC: I HEAR YOU LITTLE MAN.  
CTC: shit, i feel a little funny myself.

  
  
  
CTG2: ok im gonna take off  
CTG2: egberts bothering me and ive already seen this shit like a thousand times anyway  
CTT: Is that so?  
CTT: That's very interesting, Dave.

  
  
CTG: wow thanks a lot bro  
CTG2: hahahaha  
CTG2: i am so glad im not you dude  
CTG2: i can just leave when she starts doing that shit

  
CTT: I am twirling my glorious Freudian mustachio as we speak.  
CTG: yeah yeah  
CTG: fuck off you fat feathery bastard  
CTG2: flies off into the fucking sun  
CGC: SM3LL YOU L4T3R M1ST3R OR4NG3 CR34MS1CL3S >;D  
CTG2 ceased responding to memo.

  
  
  
CTC: UHHH.  
CTC: ... honk.

  
CTT: Considering the kid didn't even seem to know what an erection meant a few minutes ago, this is a rather strange line of inquiry.  
CTG: maybe hes just really confident in his ability to fuck kids and thinks hes got special dick stirring powers other pedos dont

  
  
  
CTC: I  
CTC: uh.  
CTC: I HAVE TO FUCKING GO.  
CTC: bye.  
CTC ceased responding to memo.  
CTG: hahahaha oh man did he really just  
CTG: oh man  
CCG: ...

  
CCG: OH GOD  
CCG: DO THEY EVEN HAVE A BUCKET?

  
CGC: 3W  
CTG: wow tz  
CTG: i thought you would be into tasting a little boys cum drenched pulsating anus

  
CCG: THEY'RE NOT GOING TO JUST

  
CCG: WHAT THE FUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKK 

  
CTG: this shit is so anime  
CTG: i cant handle it  
CTG: every damn time hahaha

  
CCG: WHAT

  
CCG: THE

  
CCG: FUCKING

  
CCG: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

  
CCG: CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

  
  
CTT: Wow.  
CTT: That is...  
CTT: A lot of cum.  
CCG: OH MY GOD  
CTG: dude what are you flipping out about  
CTG: its just a 12 year old kid nutting out about three gallons of jizz all over himself  
CGC: K4RK4T 1S JUST 4 L1TTL3 B4BY W1GGL3R WHOS N3V3R S33N BUCK3TL3SS PORN B3FOR3 >:P  
CTG: oh right  
CTG: the bucket thing

  
  
CCG: WHAT.  
CCG: I AM NOT A WIGGLER.  
CCG: TAKE THAT THE FUCK BACK.  
CGC: YOU SO 4R3 4 W1GGL3R K4RK4T!  
CGA: Even I Have Seen Porn Without A Bucket Before Karkat  
CGA: It Is Not That Big A Deal

  
CCG: WOW ARE YOU GUYS SEEING THIS???  
CCG: I'M SURROUNDED BY FUCKING DEVIANTS, OH MY FUCKING GOD.

  
CTT: I don't want to be the bearer of bad news, but humans...  
CTT: Don't even use buckets.  
CTT: Like, at all.  
CTT: Ever.  
CCG: WHAT

  
CTG: its true dude  
CTG: like we just all up and nut all over each other

  
CTG: gallons and gallons of jizz bursting forth from our intercrural beef sacs  
CTG: freely deposited wherever we see fit  
CGC: TH4T SOUNDS 3XC1T1NG >:]  
CCG: OH MY GOD

  
CTG: dude thats only the beginning  
CTG: after weve drenched each other in spunk  
CTG: we gotta just  
CTG: rub it into each others skin

  
CTG: thats how human babies get planted  
CCG: THIS IS THE STUPIDEST FUCKING THING I'VE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE.  
CTG: then once theyve incubated they violently burst forth out of our skin in droves  
CTG: thousands of pink squealing human babies writhing atop the desiccated carcass of their mother

  
  
CTG: all of them keening out in grief to mourn the parent they will never know before they turn on each other in a cannibalistic frenzy  
CGC: >:?  
CCG: I  
CCG: WHAT?

  
CTG: they maim and devour and tear each other apart until only child is left, fat and gorged on the bodies of its slain brothers and sisters  
CTG: that is how humans are born

  
CGA: Was Any Of That Actually True  
CTT: No.  
CGA: Ok I Didnt Think So But I Wanted To Be Sure

  
  
  
  
CTT: Ah, crossdressing.  
CTT: A classic.  
CCG: UGH.

  
CGA: I Have Been Meaning To Ask  
CGA: Why Do Various Parts Of His Body Appear Red And Inflamed  
CTG: idk japan has a shitton of bugs  
CGA: Oh Thats Unfortunate

  
CTT: The most shocking twist yet.

  
  
CGA: I Have Never Understood Why Boys Have Such A Problem With Dresses  
CGA: They Are Very Comfortable And Aesthetic  
CTT: It's a mystery.  
CTG: probably because thats hella weird

  
CGA: But Why  
CTG: it just is  
CGC: P4NTS 4R3 W4Y B3TT3R TH4N DR3SS3S  
CGA: I Do Not Agree But I Respect Your Opinion

  
  
CGA: I Just Think That Some Boys Would Look Quite Nice In A Well Tailored Dress Or Skirt Thats All  
CCG: KANAYA.  
CGA: What

  
CCG: I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GETTING AT AND FOR THE THOUSANDTH TIME, NO.  
CGA: What I Did Not Say Anything  
CCG: YOU WERE THINKING IT.  
CGA: I Was Not

  
CGA: That Is Your Own Imagination  
CGA: Imagining Things I Did Not Say And Definitely Was Not Thinking At All  
CTG: well i for one think a dress would suit you perfectly vantas  
CTG: itd complement your big leaky vagina  
CCG: I'M JUST GOING TO ASSUME THAT WHATEVER YOU JUST TYPED WAS CONSISTENT WITH YOUR STANDARD LEVEL OF EGREGIOUS TEXTUAL DIARRHEA AND JUST GIVE YOU A HEARTY "FUCK YOU".  
CTG: thanks bro

  
CGC: WH4TS WRONG W1TH H1M >:?  
CTG: hahahaha his fucking TITS  
CTG: jesus  
CTT: Wow.  
CTT: That is impressive.

  
  
CTT: It's clear why he's molesting pubescent children now.  
CTT: Only someone who has never seen another human being's chest before would be willing to sleep with him.

  
  
CGA: That Is Questionable

  
  
  
CTT: How romantic.  
CGA: Not Really  
CGA: Actually That Is Kind Of A Weird Thing To Say

  
  
CGC: BL3GH BL3GH BL3GH MY MOUTH F33LS L1K3 1TS FULL OF FUZZ!  
CGC: D4V3 YOULL H4V3 TO SHOW US SOM3TH1NG L3SS FUZZY N3XT T1M3 >:]  
CTG: maybe later  
CTG: weve got two more of these fuckers to get through

  
CCG: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS???  
CTG: yup

  
  
CTT: I'm surprised anyone wanted this enough to fund even one of these, let alone three.  
CTG: no youre not  
CTT: No, I suppose I'm not.

  
CCG: OH GOD, I DON'T THINK I CAN HANDLE ANY MORE OF THESE.  
CGC: 1M LOOK1NG FORW4RD TO TH3 OTH3RS H3H3H3 >:]  
CGC: TH1S 1S FUN!  
CGA: Fun Is Not The Word I Would Use But I Suppose I Feel Some Sort Of Obligation To See These Through To The Bitter End

  
CCG: I'M JUST GONNA  
CCG: CLOSE MY EYES  
CCG: SOMEONE TELL ME WHEN IT'S OVER  
CGA: How Will We Tell You If Your Eyes Are Closed  
CCG: I DON'T KNOW, YELL OR SOMETHING.  
CGA: Can You Even Hear Us From Your Block  
CGA: Did You Hear That  
CCG: NO I

  
CCG: FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKK

  
CCG: AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

  
CCG: GUSDHG;SUJDNFSNF;SIKJ;IOEJ IAHBALHSDVBAYGBPSDHA8DU9Q3U0I9NHA SHAB DHABSUJ

  
CCG: OH MY GOD, WHY IS THIS SO TERRIBLE???  
CCG: HOW IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE FOR ONE THING TO BE SO UNFATHOMABLY AWFUL IN EVERY CONCEIVABLE WAY????  
CTT: It's almost artful in its unbearable terror.  
CTG: "almost"???  
CTG: listen its a crime that this shit isnt already featured in the fucking louvre  
CGC: H3H3H3

  
  
  
  
CTT: I love how he's just concerned about the dress, and not the fact an adult man just ejaculated all over his face.  
CGA: Well  
CGA: As I Understand It  
CGA: Ive Been Told That  
CGA: Genetic Material Can Be Quite Difficult To Remove From Clothing So I Can Empathize With His Concerns

  
  
CTT: Sympathize, you mean?  
CGA: Yes What Did I Say  
CGA: Oh  
CGA: Er  
CGA: What I Meant Was

  
CGA: Wow His Undergarments Are Quiet Pleasantly Designed Are They Not  
CTT: Yes, they are very nice.

  
  
CGA: Oh  
CGA: You Like Them  
CGA: I Could Make You Something Like It If You Wanted  
CCG: ...  
CGA: Oh Goodness That Was A Weird Thing For Me To Say Wasnt It  
CTG: hahahaha  
CTT: It's fine.  
CTT: I appreciate the offer, Kanaya. Thank you.

  
CGA: I Am Going To Stop Talking Now

  
  
CCG: OH MY FUCKING GOD, WHY WOULD ANYONE DO THAT?  
CCG: THIS IS REVOLTING.  
CTG: dude are you 6  
CCG: ... YES?  
CTG: hold on let me get out my calculator  
CTG: dude are you 2.7777777777777777777777777777778  
CCG: WHAT, NO.

  
CCG: OH GOD THE SOUNDS  
CGC: SQU3LCH SQU3LCH SQU3LCH >:]  
CCG: TEREZI NO.  
CGC: 1F ONLY YOU KN3W HOW 1T T4ST3S K4RK4T!  
CCG: UUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHH

  
  
CGA: How Is He Being Mean I Am Not Quite Following  
CTG: its not proper japanese porn unless the one on the bottom is pretending to be in extreme pain at all time  
CGA: Why  
CGA: Thats Very Odd  
CTG: who knows

  
  
  
CCG: WHYYYY

  
  
  
  
  
CTT: Aw, how sweet.  
CTT: I'm moved.

  
  
CGC: SQU3LCH SQU3LCH SQU3LCH!  
CGC: H3H3H3 >:]  
CCG: ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT, MY FINGERS ARE GOING IN MY FUCKING EARS.  
CTG: why dont you just turn off the sound dude  
CCG: FUCK YOU.  
CCG: ACTUALLY  
CCG: OK THAT'S PROBABLY A BETTER IDEA.

  
  
CTT: You'd think he would have figured this out by now.

  
  
CGC: H4H4H4 OH WOW  
CTT: "My butt is so full."  
CTT: ... Really? Seriously?  
CTG: you wish you could write such stirring dialogue lalonde  
CTT: If only.

  
CCG: NO 

  
CCG: NO

  
CCG: NO NO NO  
CTG: okay man this is like the third cumshot youve seen  
CTG: it cant be that shocking anymore  
CCG: NO, IT HAS BEEN EQUALLY HORRIFYING EACH AND EVERY TIME.

  
CGC: OH 1TS NOT TH4T B4D!  
CCG: YES IT IS.  
CGC: BLUH BLUH BLUH >:P

  
CTT: I wish they would stop showing his chest on screen.  
CTT: My face is starting to hurt. 

  
  
CTT: Oh, I see where this is going.

  
  
CCG: WOW, RUDE MUCH???  
CCG: HOLY SHIT, WHAT AN ASSHOLE.  
CTG: hahaha dude are you serious

  
  
CTT: I'm sure a completely naked, cum-drenched little boy stepping out of an elevator isn't going to raise any suspicions.  
CCG: WHAT??  
CCG: THE KID JUST WANTS TO BE PITIED AND THIS COWARD CAN'T EVEN ADMIT HE CARES ABOUT MORE THAN HIS PAIL!  
CGA: I Do Not Get The Impression That This Was Intended To Have A Particularly Compelling Love Story  
CTG: these words that you are saying are the lamest words i have read possibly ever

  
  
CCG: UGHH, WHATEVER.

  
  
CTT: Oh, wonderful. Time for a montage!

  
  
  
  
  
CGA: Oh No Why Is He Cutting His Hair  
CTG: first thing you do in the animes when you get upset  
CTG: lop it all off  
CTG: its like a requirement

  
  
CTT: A graveyard is definitely one of the first places I'd look when searching for a child I've raped.

  
CGC: >8O  
CGC: 1 TH1NK H3 T4ST3S B3TT3R L1K3 TH1S >:]

  
FUTURE gallowsCalibrator [FGC] 16 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FGC: D4V3 1S TH1S YOU???  
FGC: [http://www.tinyurl.com/TH1S1SSOYOUD4V3](http://www.dumbgarbage.com/img/bnp1/TH1S1SSOYOUD4V3.jpg)  
CGC: OH TH4NKS FUTUR3 M3 >:]  
FGC: NO PROBL3M!  
FGC ceased responding to memo.  
CTG: terezi

  
CTG: terezi jesus fucking christ hahaha  
CGC: >:D

  
CCG: AND YOU TELL ME I'M LAME.  
CCG: HAHAHA.  
CCG: HAHAHAHAHA!  
CCG: OH MAN SO FUNNY!  
CTG: dude what are you going on about  
CGC: K4RK4T COM3 ON >:V

  
  
CCG: NOT MUCH MAN, NOT MUCH JUST REFLECTING ON HOW YOU'RE JUST SO TERRIBLE.  
CCG: SOMETIMES IT JUST HITS ME LIKE, OH MAN THIS GUY IS BASICALLY THE BIGGEST PIECE OF SHIT.  
CGG: WHAT A RIOT!  
CTG: what

  
CTG: what did i do this time  
CTG: are you just going into sick burn withdrawal  
CTG: do you just start shaking and crying if you go more than 30 seconds without me utterly destroying your pathetic ass

  
  
CCG: HAHAHAHA, YOU ARE SO UNBELIEVABLY FULL OF YOURSELF.  
CCG: NO, PITLICKER, YOUR PEDESTRIAN "BURNS" SLOUGH RIGHT OFF MY SKIN, WHICH IS BASICALLY STAINLESS FUCKING STEEL.  
CCG: I AM ABSOLUTELY  
CCG: FUCKING  
CCG: UNFLAPPBLE.  
CCG: I'M JUST DOING YOU A BENEVOLENT SERVICE INFORMING YOU OF HOW ATROCIOUS EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU IS, SINCE YOU APPEAR TO BE UNAWARE OF IT.  
CTG: no u  
CCG: FUCK YOU, YOU FUCK.

  
  
  
CTG: wow nice one dude  
CTG: really struck me at my core  
CTG: haha just kidding that was terrible

  
  
CTG: why dont i give you another shot at that one  
CTG: if you try enough times ill sure youll be able to come up with something less flaccid than that  
CCG: EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU IS FUCKING FLACCID.  
CTG: see that was way better  
CTG: im so proud of you

  
  
CTT: Will you two just snog and get it out of the way already?  
CTT: There's this child pornography here I'm trying to watch, and your incessant flirting is terribly distracting.  
CTG: uhhhhhhhhh  
CCG: WHAT  
CTG: i am NOT flirting with that fuck  
CCG: WHAT

  
CGA: Oh  
CGA: I Had Assumed You Were Engaged In Caliginous Courtship As Well  
CGA: Is That Not What Has Been Going On  
CTG: no???????  
CCG: DON'T EVEN JOKE ABOUT THAT.  
CTG: jesus dick what

  
  
CCG: JUST THINKING ABOUT ANY KIND OF ROMANTIC ENGAGEMENT WITH THAT INSUFFERABLE SHITNECK MAKES ME PHYSICALLY ILL.  
CTG: finally something we can agree on

  
  
CGC: 1 TH1NK YOU WOULD B3 CUT3 TOG3TH3R >:]  
CCG: OH MY GOD.  
CTG: oh my god  
CCG: TEREZI, NO.  
CCG: THIS IS SOME STONE COLD PLATONIC ODIUM, OKAY?

  
  
CGA: Yes Why Not  
CGA: You Seem Well Suited For Kismesissitude  
CCG: FFFFFUUUUUCCCKKKKKKK  
CTG: not gay  
CCG: ARE YOU ALL FUCKING INSANE???  
CTG: if was gay would have standards  
CGA: What Is A Gay

  
  
CTT: The lady doth protest too much, methinks.  
CTG: no  
CTG: triple fucking no  
CTG: wow can we not talk about this

  
  
CTT: Dave, are you sure you don't have any latent desires you'd like to discuss?  
CTT: Getting it all out in the open can be therapeutic.  
CTG: NO LALONDE I DEFINITELY DO NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO DISCUSS LATENT OR OTHERWISE WE HAVE MOVED ON FROM THIS TOPIC

  
CTT: Aww, have you started using his quirk now?  
CTT: Has the date of the wedding been set?  
CTG: oh my fucking god

  
  
CCG: MY THINKPAN HAS MELTED INTO A SCALDING MOLTEN SLUDGE AND IS ABOUT TO GEYSER THROUGH MY EYESOCKETS  
CCG: THE VOLCANIC FORCE OF MY CRANIAL VOMIT IS GOING TO KILL EVERYONE ON THIS FUCKING METEOR

  
  
CTG: i wish i could have aborted this conversation before it was ever born  
CTG: hey how about we talk about this porn instead  
CCG: WOW YES THAT IS AN EXCELLENT IDEA LET'S DO THAT.

  
  
CTG: look at that that sure is something  
CCG: I CANNOT TAKE MY EYES OFF IT BECAUSE IT IS ABSOLUTELY ENTHRALLING AND CAPTURES THE ENTIRETY OF MY ATTENTION.

  
CTG: yes undoubtedly  
CCG: WOW IT'S INCREDIBLE THE KINDS OF THINGS THAT ARE TAKING PLACE IN THIS CARTOON.

  
CTG: wow a little boy transforming into a penis this is fascinating  
CCG: WOW!!!  
CTT: This is adorable.  
CTG: fuck you  
CGC: FUCK YOU

  
CGA: Boys  
CTT: I know, right?  
CGC: H3H3H3H3  
CGC: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
CGC ceased responding to memo.  
CTG: thank fuck  
CTG: time to pretend that never happened

  
  
CTT: Hahahahaha.  
CTT: Okay, yes, this is definitely hilarious.  
CGC: H3H3H3 >:D  
CGA: It Is A Good Thing Karkat Left I Do Not Think He Would Have Been Able To Handle This

  
  
  
  
  
CTG: aaand thats all folks  
CGC: 4WW  
CGC: WH3N W1LL YOU SHOW TH3 OTH3R TWO? >:]  
CTG: i dunno sometime later  
CTG: ill let you know

  
CGC: OK TH4NKS D4V3!  
CGC: L4T3R >:D  
CGC ceased responding to memo.

  
CGA: Thank You For Showing This  
CGA: I Guess

  
CGA: I Feel Like Maybe I Should Be Doing What The Opposite Of Thanking You Is Though  
CGA: I Think My Life Is Probably Measurably Worse Now That I Have Seen This  
CTG: youre welcome kanaya  
CGA: Ok  
CGA: Well  
CGA: Goodbye  
CGA ceased responding to memo.

  
CTT: Alright, I simply must ask,  
CTT: Why was I never invited to a showing of such an impeccable work of artistic genius?  
CTT: I feel all left out.  
CTG: i dunno

  
CTT: I understand you harangued John quite vigorously, but I heard not a stray word about such a thing!  
CTT: O, such piteous woes overcome me.  
CTG: i guess  
CTG: back then you were a girl and not my sister  
CTG: so it would have been weird to ask you to watch kiddie porn with me

  
CTT: Well, I'm still a girl, and one could argue that me being your sister makes it even weirder now.  
CTT: And that still likely would have been less weird than insistently pressuring your heterosexual male friend to watch pornography depicting a little boy engaging in homosexual sex.

  
CTG: yeah but i didnt actually want to slip egbert the strider sausage  
CTT: Are you implying that the primary impediment to initiating me into Boku no Pico was an extant desire to slip _me_ your "sausage"?  
CTG: wow  
CTG: i just realized how phenomenally wrong that came out  
CTG: and i am now searching for ways to fit my foot into my mouth

  
CTT: If it's any consolation, this is much less retrospectively awkward than all of the lewd sexual comments you made about my mother's "choice ass".  
CTG: no lalonde thats not any consolation  
CTG: in fact thats pretty much the opposite of a consolation

  
CTG: god damn am i fucking oedipus  
CTG: just floundering in a sea of unintentional incest  
CTT: Given that she is now dead, I think the chances of you engaging in unknowing sexual congress with our mother are very slim.  
CTG: and thank fucking god for that because otherwise i probably would have just tripped and fell into her vagina at some point  
CTG: ok that was way too soon wasnt it

  
CTT: A little.  
CTT: But I suppose every cloud has a single lining.  
CTT: While my mother may have died what was likely a gruesome and painful death, at least I will no longer have to worry about you ruining the family reunions with your poor penile motor control.

  
CTG: i cant tell whether youre playing along with my shit joke or trying to make me feel bad  
CTT: I can't do both?  
CTT: I thought you were the expert on multifaceted humor.  
CTT: Keep up, Strider.

  
CTG: i could never hold a candle to you in the arena of passive aggressive horseshit lalonde  
CTG: you are the undisputed champion  
CTT: I wonder if I can get a belt for that.

  
CTG: welp  
CTG: thats it  
CTT: Thank you for this wonderfully educational experience.  
CTT: I'll see you around the rock.  
CTG: see you  
CTT ceased responding to memo.  
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 37 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FCG: OH, BY THE WAY.  
CTG: god damn i was just about to leave  
CTG: what do you want  
FCG: I JUST WANTED TO SAY SOMETHING.  
CTG: what  
FCG: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUU  
CTG: uh  
CTG: ok then  
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG2] 47 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FCG2: UGH, THAT WAS SO FUCKING STUPID.  
FCG2: HOW DO YOU NOT SEE HOW BADLY YOU'RE EMBARRASSING YOURSELF???  
FCG: DUDE, YOU'RE ME FROM LITERALLY TEN MINUTES IN THE FUTURE.  
FCG: UNLESS YOU'VE FUCKING LOBOTOMIZED YOURSELF THERE IS NO WAY YOU DON'T STILL UNDERSTAND HOW BADLY THIS SHITFROND NEEDED TO GET TOLD.  
FCG: AND WOW WHAT DO YOU KNOW!!! I KNOW FOR A FUCKING *FACT* I DO NOT HAVE ANY TOOLS CAPABLE OF PROPERLY PERFORMING A LOBOTOMY IN MY IMMEDIATE VICINITY AND WITH A MEAGER TEN MINUTES OF TEMPORAL DISTANCE BETWEEN US I FIND IT EXCEEDINGLY UNLIKELY THAT YOU ACCOMPLSIHED ANY SUCH THING IN THAT PERIOD OF TIME.  
FCG2: OH MY GOD, WHAT WAS I THINKING WHEN I WROTE THAT.  
FCG: I WAS THINKING ABOUT HOW FUCKING STUPID YOU ARE, MAINLY.  
FCG: APPARENTLY YOU FORGOT THAT, ON ACCOUNT OF BEING SO FUCKING STUPID!!!  
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG3] 2 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FCG3: LOOK, BOTH OF YOU, DON'T ARGUE IN FRONT OF THE FUCKING HUMAN.  
FCG3: I MEAN I CAN UNDERSTAND WHY YOU WANT TO TEAR EACH OTHER APART, SINCE YOU'RE BOTH COMPLETELY INSUFFERABLE.  
FCG3: BUT NOW'S NOT THE TIME. YOU HAVE A MUCH GREATER ENEMY STANDING BEFORE YOU AND YOU'RE SQUANDERING YOUR OPPORTUNITY WITH THIS ASININE BULGE MEASURING CONTEST.  
FCG3: YOUR BULGES ARE THE EXACT SAME FUCKING SIZE, YOU HAVE LITERALLY THE SAME FUCKING BULGE.  
FCG3: FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK, STOP.  
FCG: DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.  
CTG: is this how trolls masturbate  
FCG2: FUCK OFF  
FCG: FUCK OFF  
FCG3: FUCK OFF  
FCG3: ANYWAY, AS I WAS SAYING.  
FCG3: THIS IS COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS.  
FCG: YOU'RE COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS, WHY DON'T *YOU* STEP THE FUCK OFF???  
FCG2: STEP THE FUCK OFF THE EDGE OF THE METEOR MAYBE!  
FCG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'LL HAVE TO REMEMBER THAT FOR WHEN I'M YOU.  
FCG3: WOW NOOKNUTS, I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE TO BE THE ONE TO TELL YOU THIS, BUT METEORS ARE FUCKING ROUND.  
FCG3: THERE IS NO GOD DAMN EDGE FOR ME TO STEP OFF!!!  
FCG3: UN FUCKING BELIEVABLE.  
CTG: ...  
FCG: BELIEVE THIS FUCKNECK!  
FCG: I'M MAKING A VULGAR GESTURE WHERE I GRAB MY BULGE, BY THE WAY.  
FCG3: DUDE, I FUCKING REMEMBER, I AM YOU.  
FCG2: HOW FUCKING DENSE CAN YOU GET???  
FCG3: I KNOW, I HAVE NO IDEA HOW EITHER OF US COULD HAVE EVER BEEN THAT DUMB.  
CTG ceased responding to memo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I currently plan to also do Pico to Chico and Pico x CoCo x Chico but these take an obscenely long time to write and format so it will likely be a while???


	2. Pico to Chico

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i said this would take forever and BOY DID I DELIVER
> 
> no seriously writing these is a herculean and painful ordeal, part 3 will probably take me even longer and then i will _never do another one of these things again_

CURRENT turntechGodhead [CTG] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board cool kids club.

CTG: its time motherfuckers  
CURRENT tentacleTherapist [CTT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CTT: What?  
CTG: episode 2 lets go  
CTT: Right now?  
CTT: I'm a bit occupied at the moment.  
CURRENT gallowsCalibrator [CGC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CGC: H1 >:]  
CTG: yes right now its go time  
CTG: hey   
CGC: 1V3 B33N LOOK1NG FORW4RD TO TH1S H3H3H3  
CTG: good  
CGC: OK 1 H4V3 TO Y3LL 4T K4RK4T UNT1L H3 SHUTS UP 4ND CL1CKS TH3 L1NK  
CTG: yeah ok good luck with that  
CTT: On that note, would you stop spamming Kanaya with the links?  
CTT: You're distracting her.  
CTG: dude what are you dippy broads even doing  
CTT: I'm just helping her with a few dresses.  
CTG: ok thats marginally less gay than what i was picturing  
CTT: Oh, is it?  
CTT: I'm honored to be the centerpiece of your Sapphic fantasies, dearest brother.  
CTT: Don't let me rain on your parade.  
CTG: youre pretty much the worst you know that  
CTT: I revel in it.  
CTT: At any rate, why are we bothering with memos?  
CTT: We may as well just watch the thing in the same room.  
CTG: nah im getting egbert in here again  
CTT: You think he'll come?  
CTT: He didn't seem particularly enthused about the last one.  
CTG: oh hell come  
CURRENT ectoBiologist [CEB] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CEB: huh?  
CTT: Hello.  
CEB: oh.  
CTG: sup bro   
CEB: dave. no.  
CEB: i am not watching any more of your gross boku no picos.  
CTG: excuse me this is pico to chico  
CTG: and yes you are watching it this is not negotiable   
CEB: no, i'm not.  
CTG: yes  
CEB: no!  
CEB: look, it's not like i didn't even give it a fair shot.  
CEB: i've seen more than enough kiddie porn to last me a lifetime, dave.  
CTG: bullshit you didnt even make it through the first proper sex scene  
CEB: oh my god.  
CEB: dude, i have absolutely 0 desire to see any "proper sex scenes" involving little boys, okay.  
CEB: i already knew it was going to be bad.  
CEB: because there was a little boy in it.  
CTG: what are you gay egbert  
CTG: you seem gay  
CEB: what? no!  
CTT: Carry on. I don't even need to say anything.  
CTG: are you sure bro because you sound pretty gay  
CEB: this makes absolutely no sense.  
CEB: how does not wanting to watch gay porn make me gay?  
CTG: ashamed of all the stiffies you were popping over that supple pubescent rump  
CTG: you big gay  
CEB: boku no pico did not give me any stiffies.  
CEB: it gave me, like, negative stiffies.  
CTG: yeah ok whatever you say dude  
CEB: dave, i'm not gay.  
CTG: that sounds like something a gay would say  
CEB: oh my god.  
CEB: you're the one who likes this terrible piece of shit!  
CEB: YOU'RE gay.  
CTG: nice try john but i am secure in my sexuality  
CEB: so am i!  
CEB: i don't have to watch your weird child rape porn to prove i'm not gay.  
CEB: this is soooo dumb.  
CTG: come on this one doesnt really even have any rape in it  
CEB: "doesn't really even have any rape in it."  
CEB: consider me convinced!  
CEB: with an emphatic endorsement like that, how could i not want to watch it???  
CTG: egbert if you dont watch pico to chico with me our friendship is over  
CTG: could you carry on living with the blood of our beautiful bromance on your hands  
CEB: pfffffffft.  
CEB: like i need you!  
CEB: davesprite is the way better dave anyway.  
FUTURE turntechGodhead [FTG] 7 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FTG: whoa whoa whoa hold the phone  
FTG: while i appreciate how youve finally recognized how unquestionably fucking rad i am egbert you cant just go dropping my name willy nilly  
FTG: for one  
FTG: youre assuming i would even want to associate with some lame ass pleb without the stones to watch japanese child molestation porn  
FTG: what were you hoping turning into a bird man would give me shit taste in friends???  
FTG: think again fucker  
CEB: oh my gooooodd.  
CTG: yeah see  
CTG: your life is gonna be fucking daveless if you dont man up egbert  
CTT: What happened to "past and future assholes get out"?  
CTG: im suspending my policy on account of johns dire need to get told by future bird me  
FTG: vi fucking peep pass  
FTG: FUCK  
CTG: hahahahaha did you seriously just  
FTG: god dammit   
CEB: eheheheh.  
CEB: davesprite is a bird.  
FTG: shut your fat face egbert  
CEB: ok, fine.  
CEB: i'll watch it.  
CEB: on one condition!  
CTG: what  
CEB: i get a free pass to make you watch ANYTHING i want later.  
CTG: christ im going to regret this arent i  
CTG: deal  
CTG: in exchange for pico to chico and pico x coco x chico i will watch one of any of your unbelievably fucking shitty movies  
CEB: god, there are TWO more of them?  
CTG: yup  
CEB: woooowww, ok.  
CEB: then i want two movies.  
CTG: bullshit you said a free pass not free passes  
CEB: you only mentioned one of them!  
CTG: god damn you niggardly son of a bitch  
CTG: how about one for me and one for davesprite  
CEB: fine.  
FTG: wow  
FTG: way to throw me under the bus dude  
CTG: suck it up and take one for the team  
CGC: OK 1 CONV1NC3D K4RK4T  
CGC: 1NCOM1NG >:V  
CTG: oh wonderful  
FTG: fuck all yall  
FTG: im going back to the future  
FTG ceased responding to memo.  
CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CCG: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK  
CCG: EVERYTHING  
CCG: FUCK EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU AND FUCK ME MOST OF ALL FOR AGREEING TO WATCH THIS ABOMINABLE BLIGHT ON THE TRANSDIMENSIONAL CONCEPT OF ANIMATION.   
CEB: hi karkat!  
CCG: HI.  
CTT: Hello.  
CGC: SHOOOOOSH >:]  
CCG: DON'T YOU SHOOSH ME.  
CGC: 1 DO WH4T 1 W4NT!  
CCG: THAT'S OBVIOUS.  
CTG: great  
CTG: rose is kanaya done feeling you up i mean making your shitty dress  
CTT: Nope.  
CTG: god damn how long is this gonna take i only have three years of completely free time  
CTT: A bit.  
CTT: She has advised me that she is nearly finished.  
CTG: ok good  
CEB: oh, i should probably clue in current davesprite.  
CTG: oh yeah  
CURRENT turntechGodhead [CTG2] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CTG2: yo  
CEB: hey dave!  
CTT: Hi.  
CGC: H3Y T4STY >:]  
CCG: .......................................  
CTG: sup dog  
CTG: bird w/e  
CTG: have you already gone back to hand egbert his smelly gay ass 10 minutes ago or whenever  
CTG2: no  
CTG2: shit being a hero of time is tough work  
CTG2: brb  
CGC: BY3 T4STY  
CTG2 ceased responding to memo.  
CTG: so what other assholes do i have to invite  
CTG: hey shit face does your terrible clown friend want to watch again  
CCG: YEAH I DON'T THINK SO, ALSO BRUSH YOUR TEETH YOU SLOVEN ASS EVERYONE CAN SMELL THE BULGE ON YOUR BREATH.  
CTT: Oh my.  
CTT: It's getting awfully steamy in here.  
CTT: Settle down, lovebirds.  
CGC: H3H3H3 >:]  
CTG: wow shut up  
CCG: I AM GOING TO TACTFULLY IGNORE THAT UNBELIEVABLY ASININE COMMENT AND SMOOTHLY DIVERT THE TOPIC BACK TO GAMZEE AS IF YOU HADN'T SAID ANYTHING AT ALL  
CCG: HE'S BEEN ACTING WEIRD AS A NOOK ON A MUSCLEBEAST EVER SINCE WE WATCHED THE FIRST ONE.  
CCG: HE BARELY COMES OUT ANYMORE, AND WHEN HE DOES...  
CTG: hahahahaha  
CCG: WHAT THE FUCK DID THAT SHITTY CARTOON DO TO HIM???  
CTG: did you even see the look he had on his face for the first few days after  
CTG: oh man  
CTG: let me tell you about that look  
CTG: the palpable shame of it  
CCG: I DON'T KNOW IF GAMZEE EVEN KNOWS WHAT SHAME IS.  
CTG: no trust me bro  
CTG: i know that look  
CTG: thats the look of a man who beat off to boku no pico  
CTT: And how, praytell, do you know that look?  
CEB: ... uh.  
CTG: i just do  
CCG: YOU DID IT, DIDN'T YOU.  
CCG: OH MAN.  
CCG: THIS IS FUCKING RICH HAHAHAHAHA  
CGC: >:O  
CTG: what  
CTG: no  
CTG: sweet magy mother of gog no  
CTG: dude i was like 10 years old when i first saw that thing  
CTG: my balls hadnt even dropped yet  
CGC: WH4T 4R3 B4LLS  
CGC: WHY D1D YOU DROP TH3M  
CTG: its an expression that means fuck no no i didnt  
CEB: hehehehe.  
CCG: YEAH DUDE, SURE, I TOTALLY BELIEVE YOU.  
CCG: HAHAHAHAHAHA  
CTG: oh fuck off  
CTT: How exactly does a ten year old boy even find and watch such a thing?  
CTG: my bro showed it to me  
CTT: ...  
CTT: Okay, that's more than a little creepy.  
CEB: seriously.  
CTG: no way  
CTG: boku no pico is the best he did me a favor  
CTT: You don't think there's something a bit off about an adult man showing his ten year old brother explicit pornography depicting another adult man molesting a similarly aged child?  
CTG: hey  
CTG: my bro was a lot of things but he didnt fuck kids  
CTT: But why?  
CTT: I mean, sure. Boku no Pico is kind of hilarious.  
CTT: But also, kind of, what the fuck?  
CTG: i dunno it was just his way of teaching me about the world i guess  
CTG: where most parents would just tell you not to take candy from strangers  
CTG: my bro sat me down and showed me a little kid getting dicked in the ass  
CTT: While his unorthodoxy is certainly creative, I'd question its efficacy.  
CTG: well i havent been getting into any windowless vans have i  
CTG: im basically the fucking champion of not getting molested  
CCG: WHAT IS EVEN THE POINT OF HUMAN PARENTS?  
CCG: ADULTS BEING INVOLVED IN THE REARING OF CHILDREN IS ALWAYS A FUCKING DISASTER, HOW DOES YOUR SPECIES NOT KNOW THIS.  
CEB: hey, parents can be cool.  
CEB: ok, well, my dad wasn't COOL, but he was cool.  
CTT: If only all of us could be so lucky.  
CGC: 1 TH1NK D4V3'S HUM4N M4N LUSUS SOUNDS FUN >:]  
CTG: fun is  
CTG: not the word id pick  
CTG: but yeah  
CURRENT turntechGodhead [CTG2] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CTG2: operation hand egbert his smelly gay ass complete  
CEB: welcome back, i guess?  
CTG2: listen we will have words about this little deal later  
CTG2: in making myself a big orange fucking bird martyr i at least expect to get some benefits in the exchange  
CTG2: like not having to be the guy who has to suffer through terrible fucking movies for one  
CTG: come on are you really gonna make me have to sit through two of them all by myself  
CTG: just one is bad enough  
CTG: what if i overdose on terrible movie and die  
CTG2: win win for me  
CTG2: on top of be spared from having to experience another heinous crime against cinema ill be #1 dave again  
CTG: but if youre #1 dave youll also have to watch all the other movies hed otherwise force me to suffer in the future  
CTG2: thats true  
CEB: the movies i like aren't THAT bad...  
CTG: yes they are  
CTG2: yes they are  
CEB: :(  
CCG: UUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH  
CCG: I CAN'T TAKE THIS.  
CCG: ONE OF YOU ALONE NEARLY PUSHES ME BEYOND MY MORTAL LIMITS OF SANITY.  
CCG: THE COMBINED RETINAL ASSAULT OF YOUR HOT DOG CONDIMENT TEXT  
CCG: I JUST  
CCG: HOW CAN ANY PERSON BE SO UNIMAGINABLY INSUFFERABLE??? HOW DO YOU DO IT???  
CEB: karkat, come on.  
CTG2: you seem a little mad bro  
CTT: Hot dogs, huh?  
CTT: ;)  
CTG: brb i have to take a massive dump  
CGC: 3W

turntechGodhead [TG]  began pestering  carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TG: ok dude  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT, SHITLICKER?  
TG: wow shut up  
TG: we need to lay down some fucking armistice or some shit before this gets out of hand  
CG: WHAT?  
TG: ok i dont know if youve noticed  
TG: but we  
TG: are being shipped  
TG: now i know you love shipping almost as much as you love sucking dicks and generally being terrible at everything up to and including sucking dicks  
TG: but i am correct in assuming we have share a similarly visceral negative reaction to these suggestions  
TG: right  
TG: you dont actually want to stick your hate tongue down my throat  
TG: right  
CG: YEAH.  
TG: ok  
TG: so maybe we should cool it on the shit fiestas  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS A SHIT FIESTA?  
TG: its a party characterized by the excessive presence of shit  
TG: like im suggesting we take a shit siesta maybe  
TG: which is a nap characterized by the excessive presence of shit  
TG: or actually  
TG: i guess in this context it would be a nap you take as a break from some other activity characterized by the excessive presence of shit  
TG: like any time i ever talk to you  
TG: or anything you have any connection to in even the most tangential of capacities  
TG: basically what im saying is that you are excessively shitty  
TG: but we can talk about that less maybe  
CG: I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN EVEN MANAGE THIS.  
CG: YOU ARE JUST SO UNFATHOMABLY TERRIBLE IN EVERY WAY THAT I FEEL OBLIGATED TO EXPRESS THAT AT GREAT LENGTH, CONTINUOUSLY.  
CG: IT'S NOT SOMETHING I REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT ANYMORE.  
CG: INFORMING THE UNIVERSE OF WHAT A VACUOUS WASTE OF MATTER YOU ARE COMES TO ME AS NATURALLY AS BREATHING AT THIS POINT.  
TG: i know dude itll be hard  
TG: but estrogen is a greater foe than either of us could ever be  
TG: actually do trolls even have estrogen  
TG: nevermind that joke was shit regardless  
TG: so do we have an agreement  
CG: YEAH, I GUESS.  
CG: I DON'T WANT YOU TO GET THE IMPRESSION THAT I DON'T ABSOLUTELY ABHOR YOU OR ANYTHING, THOUGH.  
CG: LIKE, PLATONICALLY  
CG: BUT STILL.  
TG: dont worry dude the feelings mutual  
TG: we can still have cat fights in private if you want i guess  
TG: not in front of the girls though  
TG: the last thing i need is three years of starring in rose's slash fiction and terezi sending me shitty comics subtly suggesting we should have a fucking threeway  
CG: WAIT  
CG: DO YOU THINK SHE WOULD GO FOR THAT?  
TG: are you for real  
TG: ok dont answer that  
TG: im just going to go on pretending i didnt see that and you arent actually that pathetic  
TG: because if i actually acknowledged that thing as a thing that you said i would be literally incapable of not devoting every waking hour of my life to ridiculing you  
TG: which would be really counterproductive to all of that bullshit that i just went on about  
CG: OK.  
TG: im going to go back to the memo now  
TG: this conversation never happened

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

CURRENT grimAuxillatrix [CGA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CGA: Hello I Am Here  
CTT: What perfect timing.  
CTT: After continuously complaining about the delay himself, Strider's sudden and capricious bowel movements are now the only thing holding us up.  
CTG2: hey  
CTG2: sometimes a mans just gotta go  
CGA: Human Excrement Is Exceptionally Malodorous  
CGA: It Is Somewhat Distressing  
CTT: Is that so?  
CGC: UGH 1 THOUGHT 1T W4S JUST M3  
CGC: 1 H4T3 H4V1NG TO US3 TH3 LOAD G4P3R 4FT3R ON3 OF YOU GO  
CGC: 1T M4K3S TH3 BLOCK SM3LL T3RR1BL3 FOR L1K3 45 M1NUT3S  
CGC: L1K3 SOM3 K1ND OF UNN4V1G4BL3 POOPSCAP3 >:[  
CEB: um, can we maybe find something else to fill the time besides talking about our poop?  
CEB: this is way gross.  
CTT: I imagine the odor is owed to differences in the intestinal flora between our species.  
CTT: It would be an interesting subject of study.  
CEB: rose please stop.  
CTG: ok im back  
CTG2: wb dude  
CTG2: howd that deuce rate  
CTG: 9.4  
CTG: on the fuckin richter scale  
CTG: i busted open armageddon on that bowl im surprised the meteor didnt veer off course  
CTG: all that troll foods getting to me i gotta lay off the maggot tacos  
CEB: oh my god.  
CTT: You're a regular charmer, Dave.  
CTG: thanks  
CCG: CAN WE PLEASE JUST START.  
CTG: yeah whatever  
CTG: is everybody here  
CCG: YEAH.  
CGC: MY BODY 1S R34DY >:]  
CGA: Yes  
CTT: Mhmm.  
CTG2: yo  
CEB: let's just get this over with...  
CTG: alright

  
CEB: eegghhh.  
CGC: TH3 T4ST3 FORBOD3S >:]

  
CEB: oh my god.  
CEB: there are TWO little boys now???  
CTG: yup

  
CEB: i hate you so much.  
CTG: love you too buddy

  
  
CTG2: too bad jades not here this would get her going big time  
CCG: NO.  
CCG: NO IS ALL I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THE THINGS THAT ARE OCCURRING HERE.

  
  
  
CTT: Do any of these things in the opening credits ever actually happen in the cartoon proper?  
CTG2: nope  
CTT: How curious.

  
  
CTT: A lot of it even seems misleading.  
CTT: How many pedophile bondage fetishists have been falsely lured in by the promise of little boys trussed up in ropes and were sorely let down?  
CTG: what a fucking tragedy that would be  
CGA: The Real Tragedy Is What They Are Doing To That Nice Dress

  
CGC: TH4T SM3LLS P41NFUL  
CEB: having your body constricted by thorny vines probably IS painful.

  
CCG: I WANT TO PUNCH BOTH OF THEM IN THEIR FUCKING GORMLESS LITTLE FACES.

  
CTT: Where would we be without this timeless assurance?  
CEB: in jail?

  
CTG: just another 10 year old boy  
CTG: naked  
CTG: swimming in the middle of the fucking woods all by himself  
CTG: no big deal

  
  
CEB: oh god.  
CEB: the anime sparkles.  
CEB: this hurts.

  
CGA: His Shorts Are  
CGA: Upsetting

  
CCG: I DON'T WANT TO SEE THIS.  
CCG: I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANY OF THE THINGS THAT ARE HAPPENING HERE, AND YET I CANNOT ESCAPE THEM.  
CCG: WHY AM I BEING FORCED TO ENDURE THIS TORMENT.  
CGC: B3C4US3 1TS FUN!

  
  
CCG: NO IT ISN'T.  
CCG: THE OPPOSITE OF FUN IS EXACTLY WHAT IS TRANSPIRING.  
CCG: THAT IS TO SAY, MY THINKPAN IS CURRENTLY STRUGGLING TO PROCESS THE MOST UNFATHOMABLE LEVELS OF MISERY I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED IN MY PITIFULLY BRIEF EXISTENCE.  
CCG: THE FEW DOZEN MINUTES I HAVE SQUANDERED ON THIS EGREGIOUSLY REVOLTING ABOMINATION OF A SERIES HAVE BEEN MORE AGONIZING THAN ANYTHING I WENT THROUGH PLAYING SGRUB, AND AS YOU MAY POSSIBLY BE AWARE, SGRUB IS FUCKING SHIT.  
CGC: K4RK4T YOU 4R3 SUCH 4 DR4M4 QU33N >:P  
CCG: I AM NOT A DRAMA QUEEN.  
CEB: you kind of are.  
CTT: Yes you are.  
CTG2: yes you are  
CGA: Im Sorry Karkat But You Are Indeed Rather Dramatic  
CCG: NO, MY REACTION TO THIS IS EXACTLY PROPORTIONATE TO HOW BAD IT IS, AND COMPLETELY JUSTIFIED FROM ANY POSSIBLE FUCKING PERSPECTIVE.

  
CTT: The creeped becomes the creeper?  
CTT: What a progressive and stirring narrative.

  
  
  
CEB: that face is going to give me nightmares.  
CTT: Does that mean we'll be looking forward to Boku no Pico themed dreambubbles?  
CEB: oh my god, what if that actually happens??  
CCG: OH PLEASE NO, ANYTHING BUT THAT.

  
CGC: 1 DONT TH1NK TH4TS POSS1BL3  
CGA: I Sure Hope Not  
CTG: i hope it is thatd be fucking hilarious

  
  
CCG: I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THEY KEEP SELECTIVELY TRANSLATING THE WORDS, THIS IS STUPID AND NEEDLESSLY COMPLICATED.  
CEB: i guess certain words have cultural connotations that don't really carry into english very well?

  
CEB: we don't really use "brother" that way even though that's what the word means in japanese.  
CEB: the animes can be confusing!  
CTG: isnt onii-chan one of those magic fetish words that gets sweaty neckbeards in a tizzy  
CTG: couldnt leave that shit out

  
  
  
CTT: It isn't as if you can't hear the word being said in the dialogue.  
CTG2: weeaboos man  
CGA: What Is A Weeaboo  
CTG: its a sweaty 30 year old virgin with no life who spends all his time watching japanese childrens cartoons and jacking off onto effigies of fictional characters  
CEB: ... did you just describe your bro?  
CTG: nah  
CTG: bro was 31

  
  
CGC: WH4T 4R3 TH3Y 3V3N DO1NG  
CGA: They Appear To Be Throwing Straw At Each Other  
CGC: TH4T JUST S33MS 1TCHY  
CGA: Perhaps Juvenile Humans Have A Different Idea Of Fun Than What We Are Accustomed To

  
  
  
CTT: Wonderful, it's pedophile montage time!

  
  
  
  
  
CTT: I don't think I've ever met a 10 year old boy who collects hideous plates before.

  
CCG: WHAT THE FUCK, WHY DOES HE JUST HAVE THAT SITTING AROUND???

  
  
CCG: FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKK  
CCG: NO NO NO NO NO IT HAS A FACE WHY DOES IT HAVE A FUCKING FACE  
CEB: oh my god, why would anyone MAKE something like that.  
CTG2: japan

  
  
  
CEB: i don't think i like where this is going.

  
  
CEB: oh.  
CEB: uh.  
CGA: Oh My  
CEB: ok, i was not expecting THIS.  
CTT: Interesting.  
CCG: A BANANA, REALLY???  
CGC: WHY DO3S SH3 SOUND L1K3 SH3S B31NG MURD3R3D  
CTG2: in japan girls have to shriek like theyre being run through a woodchipper or the guys cant get off  
CGC: OH  
CGC: TH4TS W31RD

  
  
CTT: Oh, yes, that makes it perfectly okay.

  
CGA: Oh Goodness  
CTT: I'm curious as to why they even decided to include this.  
CTT: Somehow, I doubt this is of much interest to their target audience.  
CTG2: everything is improved with the addition of voyeuristic incest obviously  
CTG: wow

  
  
  
  
CTG: did skaia create you for the sole purpose of giving rose ammunition to torment me with for the rest of eternity  
CTG2: yeah probably  
CTT: And what a blessing it has been!

  
  
CGA: I  
CEB: oh wow.  
CEB: uhh...  
CTG: wow egbert are you getting off on this  
CEB: what??? no!  
CTG: hahahahaha you ARE

  
CEB: dave, that's ridiclous.  
CEB: this is ridiculous!  
CTG: yo other me  
CTG: stiffy check  
CTG2: k  
CEB: oh my fucking god, stay the hell away from me!  
CGC: H4H4H4H4 >:D

  
  
  
CTG2: shit the little bastards like a shrieking whirling blade pitcher of limbs i cant get a read on it  
CTG: hahahahaha  
CTT: Well, this isn't ironic at all.

  
CGA: I  
CGA: I Think I Have To Go  
CCG: KANAYA...  
CGA  ceased responding to memo.  
CTT: Hmmm.  
CCG: ...

  
CTT: Oh, what childlike innocence.  
CTG: dont worry hell learn all about the universal appeal of wailing torture porn soundtracks as soon as he enters japanese society

  
CTG2: hahaha he locked himself in his room with his dumb little cosbymuffs  
CTG: probably to jack off 

  
CEB: fuck you, dave.  
CEB: daves.  
CEB: i am not jacking off!!  
CTG: whatever you say dude  
CEB: i'm NOT!  
CTG2: why dont you unlock the door and let me in then

  
CEB: because you'll try to grab my dick!!!  
CTG2: what no that would be weird  
CTG2: just gotta do a sight check buddy  
CEB: I'M PRETTY SURE THAT'S STILL REALLY WEIRD, DAVE!  
CTG2: what do you have something to hide  
CEB: no!  
CCG: THIS IS FUCKING EMBARRASSING.  
CTG: hahahaha

  
CGC: JOHN DO3S YOUR OCH1NCH1N F33L W31RD  
CEB: no!!!!!!!!  
CCG: THAT HASN'T STOPPED BEING THE MOST STUPID FUCKING WORD I'VE EVER HEARD.

  
  
  
CTG2: hahahahaha i think hes fucking barricading the door jesus dick  
CTG: oh man  
CTT: I can't be the only one who finds it positively hilarious that you've moved on to feeling up John's junk not half an hour after vigorously accusing him of homosexuality.  
CTG: shut up rose  
CTG2: shut up rose

  
CCG: NO

  
  
  
  
CCG: I CAN'T TAKE THIS. I JUST CAN'T. 

  
  
CCG: NO NO NO NO NO  
CGC: OH SHUT UP 4ND W4TCH TH3 PORN K4RK4T >:P

  
CTT: It's not kind to lie.

  
  
CTG: i like how they just keep throwing these shots in there  
CTG: because the dudes beating off to a couple of little boys sucking each other off are gonna be way into an adult woman bananaing her cooch

  
CCG: THIS IS AS FUN AS AN ICEPICK THROUGH AN EYEBALL.

  
  
CEB: ok, i'm back.  
CEB: and i am not! going to respond!! to any comments!!!  
CEB: about!!!!  
CEB: my fucking boner!!!!!!!!  
CTG2: that was the plan  
CEB: don't even finish that.  
CTG2: ok

  
  
CTT: There are probably people watching this who were genuinely shocked by this revelation.

  
  
CEB: you said there wouldn't be rape in this.  
CEB: this looks kinda rapey, dave.  
CTG: well its a lot LESS rapey than the last one

  
  
CEB: any rape at all is more rape than i'd like.  
CTT: I'm not quite sure this constitutes rape, exactly.  
CTT: They're _both_ little boys, at least.

  
  
CCG: THE BLOND ONE IS A FUCKING SEXUAL PREDATOR EVEN IF HE IS BARELY 5 AND A HALF GODDAMN SWEEPS.

  
  
  
  
  
CGC: TH3 BULG3 FUZZ R34LLY SUCKS TH3 FUN OUT OF TH1S >:?  
CTG2: cant appreciate a good fungus covered boner terezi  
CEB: please don't use "good", "fungus" and "boner" in the same sentence ever again.

  
  
  
CGC: SPLURCH SPLURCH SQU3LCH WH4T 4 SOUNDTR4CK  
CTG: stir that mac and cheese

  
  
CEB: ... ok, now it's DEFINITELY rapey.  
CTG: ok yeah its kinda rapey

  
  
CTG: the next one really isnt rapey at all though  
CEB: i'm just going to not believe anything you have to say on the subject of kiddie porn rapiness anymore.  
CTG: wow that hurts

  
  
CCG: FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKISDAGJSJDNGPHJSDAHJUASDHBNHSA AHS  
CTT: They have such amusingly excessive volumes of ejaculate.

  
CEB: i don't even know what to say to that.  
CCG: UDGHPUSDBNGPSDB GSPHDB PGHAB FHFUSYF7AYHF8074WG3TRAOGF OGSDA FYHASGBUYFDGI]DSGHJOA DUFBPSDAHG VBPHSAD H  
CTT: Karkat has the right idea.

  
  
  
CCG: GOD I HATE ALL OF YOU.  
CTG2: thanks dude

  
CCG: EATING A MEAN???  
CCG: NOT ONLY IS THIS NEEDLESS AND DUMB, THEY'RE FUCKING INCOMPETENT. 

  
  
CEB: oh god, the banana...  
CTG: do you think she ate the banana after she used it or did she put it back in the bowl  
CEB: ewwww, dave.

  
  
  
CGC: 1T S33MS L1K3 1T WOULD B3 4 W4ST3 TO JUST THROW 1T 4W4Y  
CCG: EXCUSE ME WHILE I REDECORATE MY BLOCK WITH SOME PROJECTILE VOMIT.

  
CTG2: the wiggling bike rumps return

  
  
  
  
CTT: That can't be safe.

  
  
  
  
CCG: SEE, THIS IS THE FUCKING SHIT THAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE A LUSUS.  
CGC: 1 N3V3R H4D 4 LUSUS 4ND 1 TURN3D OUT JUST F1N3 >:P  
CCG: HAHHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHA HAHHAHAHAHHA HAHAHAHAHHA OH GOD I HAVE TO LAY DOWN BEFORE I SHIT MY PANTS FROM LAUGHING TOO HARD.

  
  
  
  
FUTURE grimAuxillatrix [FGA] 26 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FGA: I Would Like To Clarify That I Had To Use The Load Gaper  
FGA: It May Have Appeared As If There Were Some Other Impetus For My Abrupt Departure But I Assure You That That Was Not At All The Case  
CTG2: hahahah  
CCG: .......  
FGA: Why Are You Laughing This Is Serious

  
  
FGA: I Must Have Eaten Something Bad Before The Showing Began And  
FGA: I Simply Could Not Wait I Had To Go Right Then  
CTT: Oh dear.

  
  
FGA: I Was Hesitant To Divulge The Exact Nature Of My Evacuation Since This Is Naturally A Private And Embarrassing Subject  
FGA: But In Retrospect It Is Important That You Understand It Was A Necessity And It Was Not My Intention To Be Rude Or Disrespectful  
FGA: I Apologize For My Unmannerliness  
CTG: this is so incredible ill let you stay  
FUTURE tentacleTherapist [FTT] 27 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.  
FTT: Yes, it is just as she says.  
CTT: This is an interesting turn of events.  
FTT: Isn't it?

  
  
  
FTT: At any rate, I can wholeheartedly corroborate that Kanaya simply locked herself in the bathroom to defecate, and certainly not to engage in any unladylike autoerotic acts.  
FTT: That would be unconscionable.  
FGA: Rose Please Try To Be Less Suspicious  
FGA: Especially In Front Of Terezi She Can Smell Deceit  
CGC: 1TS TRU3 >:]  
FTT: My apologies.

  
  
FTT: I wouldn't want them to suspect we really spent all that time making out!  
CGC: >:O  
FGA: What  
FGA: !  
CTG: ok now youre just fucking with me  
FTT: ;)

  
  
CCG: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK  
FGA: What  
CCG: ISDZHGPUSB PGHIS HSA HFHAFBUASU 8ASF97ASFVAGSF 8A F-ASVCSVA G SAFVABS   
FGA: But We Didnt Actually  
FGA: I  
CCG: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

  
  
  
FGA: Oh My God  
FGA: What  
FGA: Rose This Was Not In The Plan  
CEB: uh...  
CCG: FFFUDUUUXCPKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK  
FTT: "The plan"?  
FTT: Whatever could you be talking about, Kanaya?

  
  
  
FGA: I Mean  
FGA: I Dont  
FGA: I Wasnt  
FGA: I  
FGA: I Misspoke

  
  
  
CTT: You know, this whole thing was kind of bunk to begin with.  
CTT: You're a vampire.  
CTT: You don't even poop.  
FGA: Oh  
FGA: I Forgot  
FGA: Shit

  
  
FGA: What Do I Say Now  
FTT: I think the cat's out of the bag, so to speak.  
FGA: You Could Have Stopped Me  
FTT: Temporal inevitability! Sorry, out of my hands.  
CTT: I certainly wouldn't want to spark any doomed timelines.  
CCG: READING THIS IS EMBARRASSING *ME*.  
FTT: Glad to be of service.  
FTT: I'll be off, now.  
FTT  ceased responding to memo.

  
  
CCG: HOW IS HE SUPPOSED TO LEARN IF HE'S NOT ALLOWED TO LOOK???  
CGC: M4YB3 H3 C4N SM3LL WH4TS H4PP3N1NG  
FGA: I Think This Ended Up Being Substantially More Mortifying Than It Would Have Been If I Never Said Anything At All  
CEB: it's ok, kanaya, we understand.  
FGA: Thank You  
FGA: I Guess  
CTG2: speak for yourself dude  
CEB: oh shut up dave, you've probably beaten off to this thing 800 times.

  
  
  
CTG: whoa  
CTG: those are some fighting words you got there  
CEB: at least i only got turned on by the part WITH THE ADULT WOMAN.  
CTG2: hahahaha you admit it  
CEB: don't make this about me!  
CEB: this is about your gross kiddie porn fetish.

  
  
  
  
CTG2: hahahahaha  
CTG: hahahahaha  
CEB: oh my god, it was barely even a semi, shut up.  
CTT: Sorry, John, they're never going to let you live that down.  
CTG: nope

  
  
  
  
FGA: I Appreciate The Gesture John  
FGA: It Makes Me Feel A Bit Better To Know I Was Not The Only One  
CGC: 1N TH4T C4S3  
CGC: 1V3 B33N TURN3D ON TH3 3NT1R3 T1M3, H3H3H3 >8]

  
  
  
CEB: ew, terezi.  
CTG: oh man  
FGA: Im Just Going To  
FGA: Go  
FGA  ceased responding to memo.  
CCG: OH MY FUCKING GOD  
CCG: AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO ISN'T A FUCKING INSANE PERVERT???  
CTT: Looks like it's just you and me.

  
CTG2: listen my enjoyment of the boku no pico series is built on an entirely ironic foundation  
CTT: I'm sure it is.  
CTG: what  
CTG: ive seriously never beaten off to this  
CTG: im not lying  
CEB: ehehehe.  
CCG: I'M TRYING TO RESIST, BUT IT'S REALLY HARD.  
CTT: Oh, I bet.

  
CEB: hahaha, what?  
CTG: oh jesus fucking christ  
CTG: will you lay off  
CTT: Touched a nerve, have I?  
CTG: no the joke is just getting old  
CEB: ok, you guys are just gonna keep arguing, i guess.

  
CTT: I don't know, Dave.  
CTT: You seem pretty mad.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
CCG: ASNFJA FH AHFAB FDJ98QYRH37R73VBRG QG3RVBLAHRLSA NASFN A  
CCG: ASFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
CTG: im not mad  
CCG: [SANFUJB FIASFHASFUAS9G8FHASF ASFVAGS FAGSA FA HDBAUD9AUD ADYA SS CANSN SAN   
CTG2: a guy can be sick of being accused of wanting to bang dudes and little kids and shitty retard aliens without being mad  
CCG: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK  
CTG2: christ will you shut up already

  
CTT: Dave, you are so far in the closet you're finding Christmas presents from 1999.  
CTG2: what  
CTG: wow projecting much  
CTT: You'd like that, wouldn't you?

  
  
  
CTG: ok either im gay or a incestuous lez hound i cant be both  
CTT: Bisexuality is a thing, Dave.  
CTT: I'm just saying, relatively speaking, you are easily the gayest boy I know.  
CTG: rose you know like  
CTG: 3 other boys  
CTG: two of them are fucking confirmed cock hungry aliens

  
  
CCG: LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS.  
CCG: I WANT ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR REVOLTING HUMAN "COCKS".  
CTT: Karkat and Gamzee don't really count.  
CCG: THANK YOU.

  
  
  
  
CTG: yeah and the other is john egbert  
CTG: i win by default  
CEB: oh, come on.

  
  
CTG: no listen  
CTG: im not even saying youre gay im just saying im less gay than you  
CEB: i don't think that's how it works, dave.  
CTG: look one of us has to be the gayest human alive and its not going to be me

  
  
  
CTT: Dave, you take shitty Myspace photographs of yourself in the mirror and develop them in a darkroom.  
CTG2: what how is that gay  
CTG: its ironic  
CTG: not gay  
CTG2: its fuckin hilarious is what it is  
CTT: It's a little gay.

  
  
  
  
CTG: this is stupid  
CTG2: ok even if that were a serious thing that i did  
CTG2: which it isnt  
CEB: dave, come on, i've seen those things.  
CEB: you just like taking pictures of yourself.  
CTG2: shut up egbert  
CTG: shut up no i dont

  
  
CTG2: i dont  
CTG2: but if i did  
CTG2: that would be at fucking most a narcissism thing theres nothing gay about it  
CTG: what next is jacking off gay too  
CEB: jacking off to boku no pico is pretty gay, yeah.  
CTG: oh my fucking god for the last fucking time i have never masturbated to any part of boku no pico  
CTG: end of story

  
  
CCG: EVEN I HAVE MORE FUCKING SHIRTS THAN THAT.

  
  
  
CGC: 1 DONT 3V3N G3T WH4TS SO WRONG W1TH L1K1NG TH1S STUFF TH3Y 4R3NT 3V3N R34L K1DS  
CCG: THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE A FUCKING NUTTER.  
CGC: TH4NKS K4RK4T >:P  
CGC: D4V3 1 WONT JUDG3 YOU  
CTG: et tu tz  
CGC: WH4T??

  
  
CTG: look there is nothing for you to judge me for  
CTG: i have never tickled my pickle to boku no pico  
CTG: i have never even seriously contemplated the concept  
CTG: why will no one fucking believe me holy christs puckered asshole

  
  
  
  
CTT: I don't know, your interest in the series just seems curious in light of some of your previous statements.  
CTT: Oh, how did it go?  
CTT: "you fucking shit, that was gay"?  
CTT: "stop being gay you gay fucking shit"?  
CTG: what  
CTT: It's all very telling in retrospect.

  
  
  
CTG: are you seriously fucking using sbahj as evidence for my repressed homosexuality  
CTG2: see this is where i exercise my awesome not being on the meteor benefits and ollie the fuck out of retard psychoanalysis station  
CTG2  ceased responding to memo.

  
  
  
CTT: Oh, would Cool Dude and Stoner Lou be more representative of the ever tumultuous Strider psyche?  
CTT: I remember those containing some positively delightful gems.  
CTG: jesus no dont you know what a joke is  
CTG: the whole point of that shit is caricaturizing the people who say that garbage its not like my schtick hasnt been thoroughly established

  
  
  
  
CTT: Oh, yes, irony.  
CTT: The excuse to say and do anything you want without culpability by justifying it through speciously esoteric layers of nonsensical and deliberately contradictory motive, as if saying you don't mean it utterly divorces you from any personal connection to your own actions.  
CTG: what the fuck  
CEB: the only ironic thing happening right now is that we're arguing about how gay we are while we're watching an anime about a couple of little boys doing each other in the butt.

  
  
CGC: 1 C4NT 3V3N FOLLOW TH1S 4RGUM3NT  
CGC: WHY 4R3 YOU HUM4NS 4LW4YS T4LK1NG 4BOUT G4Y 1TS SO DUMB  
CGC: G4Y G4Y G4Y G4Y G4Y WHO 3V3N C4R3S 4BOUT TH4T STUFF???  
CTT: Insecure human boys have trouble caring about anything else, it seems.

  
  
  
CTG: thats such a crock of shit  
CTG: you started it  
CEB: you called me gay first!  
CTG: fuck it was a joke i didnt bust out the fucking freud and "repressed latent homosexuality"  
CTT: I actually never brought up either of those things.  
CTT: Done some research on the subject before, have you?  
CTG: are you fucking kidding me

  
CTT: It's not like there's anything wrong with it, Dave.  
CTG: thats not the fucking issue  
CTT: Then what is?  
CTG: the issue is that im not  
CTG: the end

  
  
CCG: OH MY FUCKING GOD, DOESN'T IT GET TIRESOME CONSTANTLY BITCHING AND MOANING ABOUT SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER??  
CTT: Speaking of irony.  
CCG: I'M ASHAMED TO HAVE BEEN COMPLICIT IN THE GENESIS OF YOUR WORTHLESSLY FRIVOLOUS SPECIES.  
CTG: no stop  
CTG: not doing this  
CTG: this conversation is finished

  
  
CTT: It's strange to see you so worked up, Dave.  
CTT: Is this all too much of a personal subject for you?  
CTT: Did Daddy give you the Bad Touch when you were just a little baby?  
CTG: wow seriously  
CTG: ok rose you win  
CTG: you have succeeded in weirding me out  
CTG: youve done it youve flapped the unflappable  
CTG: lets skip to the awards ceremony and get you your big fucking gold trophy so we can stop talking about this

  
CGC: ROS3 JUST L34V3 H1M 4LON3 <:/  
CTT: Oh, fine.  
CCG: I'M SURE HE DOESN'T NEED YOU TO BE HIS WHITE KNIGHT, TEREZI.

  
CGC: UGH K4RK4T WHY DO3S 3V3RYTH1NG H4V3 TO B3 4BOUT YOUR J34LOUS BULLSH1T!  
CGC: 1M SO T1R3D OF 1T  
CCG: YOU THINK I'M JEALOUS OF THAT PUERILE WASTE OF SPACE???  
CCG: HAHAHAHA GOOD ONE TEREZI REAL KNEESLAPPER RIGHT THERE!!!

  
CEB: can we just... not fight?  
CEB: watch the porn, maybe!  
CGC: >:/  
CTG: yes please  
CTT: Yes, let's.  
CCG: FINE, WHATEVER.

  
CEB: ... oh my GOD, seriously??  
CTG: yup  
CTT: Wow.

  
  
CEB: she's not even going to stop them. wow.

  
  
  
  
  
CEB: her little brother is wearing her clothes and being "punished" up the butt and she's just gonna stand there and watch.  
CTT: John, you're trying to apply logic to pornography.  
CGC: WHY DO3SNT SH3 JUST JO1N 1N  
CEB: ........  
CTG: hahahaha  
CCG: TEREZI.  
CGC: WH4T??  
CCG: I JUST  
CCG: YOU KNOW WHAT, NEVERMIND.

  
  
CTT: It's good to see even the women in this universe have inordinately bountiful quantities of sexual fluids.

  
  
  
  
  
CCG: PLEASE TELL ME IT'S ALMOST FUCKING OVER.  
CTG: almost  
CTG: but you've got one more thing to get through  
CCG: OH NO.

  
CCG: OH NO NO NO NO NO

  
CCG: FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

  
CCG: OH DEAR GOD JUST FUCKING KILL ME PLEASE.  
CTG: guys i think karkat might not like cumshots  
CTG: like its just a hunch but i think im onto something here  
CEB: really?  
CEB: wow!

  
  
CTT: Maybe we'd better show him a few more just to be sure.  
CCG: OH HELL FUCKING NO, THIS IS THE LAST FUCKING TIME.

  
  
  
CCG: OH DON'T TELL ME THEY'RE SERIOUSLY GOING TO  
CCG: PLEASE NO GOD WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS MAKE IT STOP  
CTG: calm down dude its over  
CGC: 4WWWW  
CEB: phew...

  
  
  
CCG: NEVER  
CCG: FUCKING  
CCG: AGAIN  
CCG  ceased responding to memo.

  
CGC: H3H3H3 >:]  
CGC: SO WH3N 4R3 YOU GO1NG TO SHOW TH3 N3XT ON3???  
CTG: i dunno  
CTG: rose may have managed to ruin boku no pico for me forever

  
CGC: OH COM3 ON!  
CTT: Oh, don't be like that.  
CEB: well, i'll be perfectly glad to never see another one of these again.  
CTG: oh no egbert  
CTG: dont think youre getting out of this so easily

  
CEB: urgh, i shouldn't have said anything.  
CTG: im going to make you watch the parts of the first one you skipped out on eventually too 

  
CEB: um, no, you are not!  
CTG: yes way dude  
CTG: youve gotta get the full experience 

  
CEB: you're gonna get the full experience of being dumb and lame and me hating your dumb lame guts forever.  
CTG: you dont mean that  
CTG: i cant be hated its just not a thing that can be done  
CTT: I'm sure Karkat would have a thing or two to say about that.

  
CTG: karkat doesnt even count  
CTG: hes got this dog like level of intelligence where hes incapable of doing anything but hating everything unconditionally  
CTG: you cant even be insulted by it being an insufferable festering piece of garbage is just instinct for him  
CGC: OH H3S NOT TH4T B4D  
CTG: he really kind of is  
CEB: /sighs

  
CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CCG: YOU KNOW I CAN STILL FUCKING READ THIS.  
CTG: good  
CCG: WHAT HAPPENED TO THE TRUCE??  
CTG: truces off  
CTG: youre shit

  
CCG: FUCK YOU, YOU FATUOUS SHIT EATER.  
CTG: right back at you you unwashed hogs taint  
CCG: LEPROUS GLOBE GARGLER.   
CEB: ... i'm just going to... go?  
CTG: puckered ass pantywaist  
CEB  ceased responding to memo.

  
CCG: GRUBFUCKING PERINEAL LESION.  
CTG: dingleberry doucher  
CGC: OK W3LL  
CGC: T3LL M3 WH3N YOU SHOW TH3 N3XT ON3 1 GU3SS  
CGC ceased responding to memo.

  
CCG: FUCKLIPPED CANDYASS.  
CTG: sweltering anal wreath  
CTT: The rectal fixation characterizing these series of ripostes is fascinating, don't you think?  
CTG: rose stay out of this it doesnt concern you  
CTT: Far be it from me to come between a boy and his love of ass.  
CTT: I'll talk to you later.  
CTT ceased responding to memo.

  
CCG: DICKNECKED MILQUETOAST.  
CTG: whoa dude youre not allowed to use dickneck  
CTG: thats like cultural appropriation  
CCG: WHAT???  
CCG: I'M DESCRIBING YOU, YOU CLUELESS ADDLEPATE.  
CCG: THE USE OF YOUR INFERIOR ANATOMICAL TERMINOLOGY IS APPROPRIATE.  
CTG: racist  
CCG: I'M NOT FUCKING RACIST, YOU'RE RACIST, AND THIS WOULD BE SPECIESISM ANYWAY.  
CCG: ENTIRELY WARRANTED SPECIESISM, I MIGHT ADD, ON ACCOUNT OF YOUR SPECIES BEING FUCKING GARBAGE AND OBJECTIVELY WORSE THAN MINE IN EVERY WAY.  
CCG: SO IT DOESN'T EVEN COUNT AS SPECIESISM REALLY JUST FACTS, FUCKING COME TO TERMS WITH IT.  
CTG: man maybe you should talk to kanaya about getting a new wardrobe  
CTG: i think a nice conical white hat would suit you  
CTG: really bring out the bird shit grey in your eyes  
CCG: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT?  
CTG: nothing  
CTG: anyway this is boring im leaving  
CCG: HAHAHAHAHAHA, COULDN'T FUCKING HANDLE THIS HUH???  
CCG: DID MY SCALDING BARBS OF TRUTH START A GREASE FIRE ON YOUR OILY PINK HUMAN SKIN????  
CTG: yeah sure  
CTG: bye  
CTG ceased responding to memo.  
CCG: THAT'S RIGHT, STRIDER, RUN AWAY!!!!  
CCG: HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH  
CCG: I WIN, I FUCKING *WIN*!!!!!  
CCG: WOW, IT MUST SUCK TO HAVE BEEN SO THOROUGHLY FUCKING DOMINATED BY MY HONED LINGUISTIC GUILE AND PIERCINGLY PERCEPTIVE INSIGHT.  
CCG: HOW WILL HE EVEN PULL HIMSELF OUT OF HIS COUNTER-INTUITIVELY DRY AND RECTANGULAR RECUPERACOON IN HIS HUMAN MORNING HOURS KNOWING I JUST UTTERLY SHIT ALL OVER HIS PATHETIC EXISTENCE???  
CCG: HAHAHA, MAYBE HE'LL WASTE AWAY FROM THE SHAME AND DIE, THAT'D BE GREAT!!!!  
CURRENT turntechGodhead [CTG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.  
CTG: terezi will never like you  
CTG ceased responding to memo.

CCG  ceased responding to memo.


End file.
